Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
