I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
