"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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