Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
