I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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