There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's blow job season.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
