Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
