i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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