I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
