If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
