no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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