she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
