If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
