She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
