i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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