Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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