WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
