You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
