i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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