so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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