thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
