can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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