Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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