a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
