I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
