Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
