who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
