i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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