At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
