There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
