Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
