Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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