Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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