I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
