I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
