how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
