Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
