in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
