So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
