She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
