i permit you to call me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
