it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
