Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
