I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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