i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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