Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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