dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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