Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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