Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
