All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
