It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
