Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
