You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
