glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
