You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
