saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
