i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
