I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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